Wild Goose Chase

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. Some sort of hard reflection on the situation that I am in. The issue has stretched me in more ways that I can imagine and at time made me feel like a person being stuck in a hole.

Right now I am reaping the benefits of addressing difficult issues, not nudging them with threats of murder, but with a simple and personal e-mail. It all had to do with discrimination and how the smaller and insignificant workers were neglected. They were the ones who worked the hardest and deserved their share of respect.

"We don't consider both of you as full-time workers" was the juncture that fumed me. How could they when these two workers were were in fact working full-time in the church, which the only difference was they handled administration duties. It made no sense to me. I guess it was because the financial situation of the church will be effected by the issue at hand. But that does not seem to be the fact.

The headquarters had already issued a bill of amendment stating that churches were to increase the pay of all full-time workers because of the economic situation. I applaud them for this because they have the pastor's and other worker's financial interest at hand.

So based on those 'facts' I wrote a personal e-mail addressing the issue of why our administration staffs were not considered full-time workers and therefore not eligible for the increment that was amended beforehand.

Sure it was 'harsh' (please note that there were no swear words involved) in some ways but I was just frustrated and it all seemed unfair to say the least. But it was a personal e-mail and directed to just one person. There was no intention to spread this to a host of people. Everything was done in secrecy, between me and the receiver at that point that is.

A week after I sent the email the recipient replied back with a "thank you for your letter" intention. I marked that as a relief because we can't find those types of leaders anymore, those that value criticism but are willing to listen. But where childish antics are concerned I soon found out that the letter that was given in private was being reprinted and being addressed out of the context that it was intended to be.

Right now I don't have the power to change people's mind about how the look at me. This post is just to salvage some peace of mind and the things that I have been struggling through. I know that the church has let me down in more ways than one but I am still for the church and Jesus' message need not be deterred for that matter.

I am not really happy with how the leaders have dealt with the issue. Right now I am not part of that church at the moment but I do have very fond memories of how they have helped me in my growth as a Christian. It does seem different now and I feel the turn of events have been a catalyst in altering a new path in new things.

Let me end it with this verse

1Jn 3:18 Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

Words that make my stomach sick

Lately there have been some words that have been getting on my nerves. I love these words actually and constantly use them but lately the words have been somewhat 'abused' and now they don't have the same impact that they used to have on me. Here they are:

1. Vision
2. 'Market-place'
3. New Sanctuary
4. Dynamic
5. Impact
6. Cultural transformation
7. Natives as opposed to Chinese culture

Oh well, it's just that the words have a bad taste to my taste buds already. YUCK! I love them but its just the way some people use them. It just makes me sick!

Questions...

My cousin just passed away yesterday and the whole things just is a shock to everyone in the family. I just couldn't believe my ear when i heard about the news because, i guess because he is family. Today i just feel numb, same as when i got the call. I just feel lost at the moment. Why and how can this happen, it all seems unfair!!! Why God...

Is this the end...? What will courage accomplish

Just to get a head start in news to those who are readers of my blog (maybe a few :) ) i just did something sort of putting my job jeopardy. No, it's not some sort of sin. It has more to do with justice (ouch that word carries a lot of weight).

I don't really know how to explain about the whole issue as of now, but i am waiting for what will happen this week or these few days. I have written a letter and sent it via e-mail to that someone putting my name on the typed letter.

Honestly, i am sort of scared at what is going to happen. But i just can't ;et this thing prolong on and on and on. What will happen to the church and those working in the future. And i do it for justice. This is by far my first take at reforming.

What will happen?

Lets fake it...let God know but wear a mask infront of people

This is the dilemma that we face in church sometimes. How much of our disappointments can they handle. Worst still if you are a leader in that particular church. This is the whole hoax that people feel being a christian is. We call ourselves a community but deny that we can feel like crap and we tell each other to suck it up and just keep quiet about it. I really feel a bit annoyed at this attitude.

Just this once, i tell those in prayer meeting i felt lousy and of all the time i faked it from January until now, what do i get???? "You are not supposed to do that." Wow. That really kills my openness. That literally killed of any desire to open up in the future.

Come on, are leaders always to feel strong, know where they are going, know what to do? Sometimes when we wear the mask too much it really sucks. This generation now want authenticity. They want honesty. The dangerous sense of being community and not a performance Christianity.

So much for opening up. I just feel crappy now. No wonder no one went in to pray for me. I guess God is the one and only one who should lift me up. Honestly i wouldn't do that in the main service, i know better. But this is prayer meeting, with the usual people and they are those people who pray and want to pray for people. But this is some sort of lesson i learnt from church, a church that says to us "Fake it".

It is not that i hate church, but now i just feel church has lost the sense that it or she is a community as well, not just a religious institution that has to fight with organizations and culture to be relevant. I fell the church, any church should get back to the roots of community, of being the people of God that loves each other, that doesn't have to worry if their leader feels crappy. If their leader is down the members should be there to encourage him or her. Not tell them to "suck it up".

This is just an added extension of the post as a help for readers because i get misinterpreted at some points. For readers I am voicing out that we are people and we should be real people with real emotions and feelings. The post is to side with Leaders if you read again you will understand, or if you read slowly you will get it. I mean leaders are humans too and there is room for authenticity just like normal people. Just read the last part that i recently HIGHLIGHTED. Please read with an open mind and listen.

(Crisis) in the Church...how should we respond??

Sometimes i wonder, what would be a Christian response, patience or protest (not the violent one that is).

A reminder that this is a post criticizing the practices of MY CHURCH on finances and NOT a UNIVERSAL CRITICISM of the CHURCH as a whole.

I think everywhere (or maybe it is JUST in Miri) issues arise almost always on finances. And those who almost always get stuck in the middle are the pastors and full-time workers. This has been going on for ages, and i am surprised that the present Church still struggles with this issue although she is now rooted in the city. The church never seems to learn.

We say we have a God who created the world and a God who is Rich, and he can provide for our needs. This is true and i believe this. But sometime we just talk only and do not think how we are to apply all this.

My point is this, my church has the finances and all that, i commend all those in the church who faithfully tithe and give their offerings, but when all the money is given to the Church, the money gets stuck and it is so damn hard to use even just a little money for the ministry because those who take care of the finances seem to have the bigger authority then the Pastors.

To me, pastors are called to do their specific work for God not to suffer in the hands of their own BROTHERS!!! This is a disgrace! If one should suffer it should be in the hands of hardened fundamentalists opposed to Christianity.

Let me ask, are pastors exempted from living a good life? One that has financial freedom. But there are some people who think that the pastor should not live a good life, but the pastor should learn about depending on God. Come on. Do you think God will hand down money with his own hands or make money rain down? This is complete heresy!

Wouldn't it be more realistic that those who believe in Jesus have enough sense to discern the needs of those called by God to ministry. This was what John in his epistle wrote about, if we see our brothers and sisters in need, we do something about it. Not pray for them or tell them God be with you, or have faith! This is utterly stupid.

Mind my words! Sorry, but i am just disgusted at the practices of the leaders in the church. Has the church (its establishment) lost it's senses being an alternative community? Even the secular world does better to care for their workers, but the church who says that Jesus is the center of their lives acts more like people who do not know God.

Wake up!!!! Unless we do something about this, i don't have to be a prophet to say this but the church will eventually die, that present church will die, and new church will rise up that do not work the same way as the old wineskin.

Busy...

I would have to say that last week was a 'crazy' week. I felt my time sucked dry and being sapped out of my energy. Man was it busy crazy kinda week. It's like, go to work in the morning and then go back, rest a while and then off to a meeting. It's crazy man. Responsibilities...they never get done and get finished.

I wonder, is that why pastors get burn out?

Well it is one h### of a ride. Haha. Well last night was somewhat disappointing. Well we hade some sort of continued leaders meeting and boy was it embarassing. The whole group of adults were laughing at the term young adults. I just dont get it. They were saying that the term does not exist and if i were to interpret, the term was irelevant and somewhat dumb. I just cant understand that there is such a perseption. It is crazy. How can you possibly mould teens, collage students, and younger adults who are working together in a teaching setting. I feel, if you want to cater specifically to a group you will always have to consider their seperations regardless of what. I dont mean that they cant mix together, i just mean that if we really want to reacha group, we have to know where they are. Is that so difficult????

Mabey for them it is. No wonder the christian doctrine can never be deeply ingrained in the people, because we just want the net to be as wide as possible. We like large nets. We can catch all sorts of things with a big net. But would a one type net be able to catch smaller fish? Are they used to catch crabs? Come on and wake up!!! We need all types of nets or traps.

Man just feel like ranting my frustrations!!!

We're Adults!!!

It's a strange thing. Well maybe in the context where I am living in (Malaysia...pin point that to Miri). Let me tell you, people still view someone like me, 28 years old (to make it clearer, twenty eight years old, TWENTY EIGHT YEARS OLD) a youth. Or worse people still think people like me children. Man!!! I'm 28 for goodness sake. To make it more clearer, i'm almost thirty!!!

Why are most people in my generation shoved up in this category? Why are we labeled youths?

I keep thinking in some cases it's because the adults and some parents don't want to let us grow and take up responsibilities. Well that is one of the reasons. Another could be, people think that we are incapable of handling responsibilities.

Both are true in a sense. So if adults think we are not capable, mentor us, help us, show us how it is done, supervise in minimal dictator spirit. I'm gasping for air.

Do you know, people in my generation, or those close to mine are the most lost crowd in Church? Well this is just a general observation. It's not true of all young adults but in general for me that's how i see it. I mean when i turned 20 things started to change. Alienation crept in. I was neither a youth or adult (or accepted in the adult group). But i made it through going into that transition but i think there are many casualties lost in transition.

I mean we are loosing our next church leaders and people. If we don't do anything we are not going to see these people anymore or those in the younger generation because if we don't do something about it we are going to loose out on a whole generation.

I just urge, all those young adults to rise above the transition and be an adult. Lets show the older adults that we also can contribute to society and to church as well. Make drastic measures. Lets do something about it.

My urge, Let us go...