Some Sort of Feeling

Going back to the college again and taking up a module (to salvage something) on counseling is cool for my mind but sort of uncool for my appearance. Generally I got to know that 'pastors' are forbidden to have long hair (that's if you call mine long. It is kind of, but it's not that long.). There were a few people who still regarded me as a human being but i just feel a sense of rejection. Wow talk about a place that is teaching about God, and saying that Christianity is about relationships and freedom, we are not under the law. Sure, we can buy all those things but it's a hoax.

I mean, does it matter how we dress? We say we must be smart. I got to know that there is such a thing as how an SIB member dresses. Wow! We have dress codes in SIB. Amazing but i would rather call it SAD! It is kind of sick. No wonder we don't have people outside who find that there is anything interesting about Christianity or the thing about following Jesus. To be a Christian is sort of like wear a certain kind of dress code, keep tidy, don't drink, smoke, hold girlfriend's hand in public, go out with girlfriend in public (don't you just wonder why these relationships look for secluded areas because Christians are JUDGEMENTAL), don't have long hair, don't wear torn jeans, has to be smart when going to church, has to speak a certain way, and the list goes on. Welcome to religion! But then we say it's about freedom and relationship. Well if the list talks about freedom and relationship to you well well you just painted another name for religion!

You know what? I am tired of this kind of Christianity. It's sort of sick. In the end Christianity becomes more an image thing rather than a relationship with God and the community. I'm just tired. I feel rejected by my own peers. You know when they had tea breaks, i would prefer to get myself as far away from that community. It's a pain. How would those outside feel. I would spell it for you: REJECTED.

Remember that Jesus sat at the table with the wrong crowd. Are we still rooting with Jesus or the Pharisees? We have to ask this question.

Questions...

My cousin just passed away yesterday and the whole things just is a shock to everyone in the family. I just couldn't believe my ear when i heard about the news because, i guess because he is family. Today i just feel numb, same as when i got the call. I just feel lost at the moment. Why and how can this happen, it all seems unfair!!! Why God...

(Crisis) in the Church...how should we respond??

Sometimes i wonder, what would be a Christian response, patience or protest (not the violent one that is).

A reminder that this is a post criticizing the practices of MY CHURCH on finances and NOT a UNIVERSAL CRITICISM of the CHURCH as a whole.

I think everywhere (or maybe it is JUST in Miri) issues arise almost always on finances. And those who almost always get stuck in the middle are the pastors and full-time workers. This has been going on for ages, and i am surprised that the present Church still struggles with this issue although she is now rooted in the city. The church never seems to learn.

We say we have a God who created the world and a God who is Rich, and he can provide for our needs. This is true and i believe this. But sometime we just talk only and do not think how we are to apply all this.

My point is this, my church has the finances and all that, i commend all those in the church who faithfully tithe and give their offerings, but when all the money is given to the Church, the money gets stuck and it is so damn hard to use even just a little money for the ministry because those who take care of the finances seem to have the bigger authority then the Pastors.

To me, pastors are called to do their specific work for God not to suffer in the hands of their own BROTHERS!!! This is a disgrace! If one should suffer it should be in the hands of hardened fundamentalists opposed to Christianity.

Let me ask, are pastors exempted from living a good life? One that has financial freedom. But there are some people who think that the pastor should not live a good life, but the pastor should learn about depending on God. Come on. Do you think God will hand down money with his own hands or make money rain down? This is complete heresy!

Wouldn't it be more realistic that those who believe in Jesus have enough sense to discern the needs of those called by God to ministry. This was what John in his epistle wrote about, if we see our brothers and sisters in need, we do something about it. Not pray for them or tell them God be with you, or have faith! This is utterly stupid.

Mind my words! Sorry, but i am just disgusted at the practices of the leaders in the church. Has the church (its establishment) lost it's senses being an alternative community? Even the secular world does better to care for their workers, but the church who says that Jesus is the center of their lives acts more like people who do not know God.

Wake up!!!! Unless we do something about this, i don't have to be a prophet to say this but the church will eventually die, that present church will die, and new church will rise up that do not work the same way as the old wineskin.