Thursday, July 31, 2008

Lets fake it...let God know but wear a mask infront of people

This is the dilemma that we face in church sometimes. How much of our disappointments can they handle. Worst still if you are a leader in that particular church. This is the whole hoax that people feel being a christian is. We call ourselves a community but deny that we can feel like crap and we tell each other to suck it up and just keep quiet about it. I really feel a bit annoyed at this attitude.

Just this once, i tell those in prayer meeting i felt lousy and of all the time i faked it from January until now, what do i get???? "You are not supposed to do that." Wow. That really kills my openness. That literally killed of any desire to open up in the future.

Come on, are leaders always to feel strong, know where they are going, know what to do? Sometimes when we wear the mask too much it really sucks. This generation now want authenticity. They want honesty. The dangerous sense of being community and not a performance Christianity.

So much for opening up. I just feel crappy now. No wonder no one went in to pray for me. I guess God is the one and only one who should lift me up. Honestly i wouldn't do that in the main service, i know better. But this is prayer meeting, with the usual people and they are those people who pray and want to pray for people. But this is some sort of lesson i learnt from church, a church that says to us "Fake it".

It is not that i hate church, but now i just feel church has lost the sense that it or she is a community as well, not just a religious institution that has to fight with organizations and culture to be relevant. I fell the church, any church should get back to the roots of community, of being the people of God that loves each other, that doesn't have to worry if their leader feels crappy. If their leader is down the members should be there to encourage him or her. Not tell them to "suck it up".

This is just an added extension of the post as a help for readers because i get misinterpreted at some points. For readers I am voicing out that we are people and we should be real people with real emotions and feelings. The post is to side with Leaders if you read again you will understand, or if you read slowly you will get it. I mean leaders are humans too and there is room for authenticity just like normal people. Just read the last part that i recently HIGHLIGHTED. Please read with an open mind and listen.


Randy T. said...

hey... i changed my blog already. :) it's at this url:

-Dota- said...

'church has lost the sense that it or she is a community as well, not just a religious institution that has to fight with organizations and culture to be relevant.'

yeah, i like that quote really much, and im really into your blog cuz u discuss on topics that need to be dealt no expert in words, and since no one commented(although there are tonnes of things to be commented on this topic.

All i want to say,in a nutshell, about this topic u bring up is that,i believe that every1,im sorry, i think MOST youngsters , maybe around my age generation group are going to the church just as going to a social club.i know this isnt applicable to sum ppl like those 'singing' or 'playing instrument' in the church, but other ppl i belive i guess, just as u put it , just wear a mask to church.believe me.

u know,i came from the sunday school as well as my frens,i used to get LOTS and LOTS of stickers for memorizing verses from the bible from uncle Andrew or even Auntie Cecelia.i used to stand infront of classes,reciting the memorized verses nailed down hard into my brain, looking down triumphantly towards my sunday classmates and receiving my(at that time) prized possesion,stickers, as a present. and owh, there's that children bible reading plan for the children last time, a book-sized magazaine called topz? yeah, i usually rush to finish it of to have sum other presents form uncle andrew as a sign of a job well done.
then after sunday school years were over,as *expected* we were*elevated* to teenage was cool with Ps. John Chee and the geng and all, but u know,during that period i felt i was going to just sum kind of gathering but this attended by my church mates.

by now u might say, well this is a norm cases of christians who are 'sunday in sunday out' type. well yeah maybe, cuz u know the problem with most christians today that affect their work ethics and how they react towards a situation is how much time they spent in private with least thats what ps. robbie said. with all due respect ya.
but no, cuz like every day when i go to school, last time, i would ask myself everytime in the shower, why do i go to school huh?to study right? so i would usually go to school to do my best there although occasionally i would deviate abit but my self-checking questions would get me straight every morning.

now,i also ask the same to myself every time i go to church. why do i go to church huh? well,i go to church to meet god and enjoy his presence, perhaps sumhow sumwhere any method accepted. hwoever each time the service is over, did i really meet him?did i felt him?well yeah maybe but i could blame that on such totally cool music the music team playef or some provoking messages the pastor send. all i when through is sum service with hillsong songs, maybe Ps, Winston giving a sermon on 'Being your neighbour Watchguard' or from some other bible proportions.
hey,where's that divine, awesome aura(and maybe wihite light) that should be felt with God, what more to say in the church??
With that said, i do not ENTIRELY say that i do not believe that god wasnt with us and im turning to some kind of atheist.all im saying should i put it.....?

like this la brader,in one of yancey's book,the one with the empty chair cover?u know? and white blue bkground, philip yancey quoted an atheist saying "The problem in the church is that God doesnt work that hard in it". i hope i quoted it correctly. simply put, most of the time God seems like MIA sending only his servants, called the holy spirit to minister to us.if MAYBE,maybe he put in much more personally effort to meet each one of us in person at least once a year laa... that's what at least a 'father' would do to his children rite? so here i wanna ask u, havent u ever seen god in person? did u talk to him and receiving an audible answer right away like maybe when i call u? the most puzzling ,maybe metaphoric, ironic things is that, god (u know the drill) send his son down to die for our sins so that we might have everlasting much for that.thanks anyway. but MAYBE, maybe if he just spend a moment talking to u in person, visibly and audibly like your parents talking to u, maybe,MAybe that would help much more better than his own, beloved son the story goes.

so what??
now i have most of my friends and acquiantance 'masking' in church? what? should i blame in on god for not 'participating' enough to his ppl and tell 'hey guys, im here,' or should i blame on the sunday school and the church 'routinely' system?

u know, honestly, my heart really breaks EVERY time i meet anutie cecelia. now in her 50's,still faithfully serving the Lord.looks like im just one of those who doesnt belong to the 'standard of production' of sunday school and teenage clasess. or should i just follow her steps? obideintly follow 'sumting' doing 'sumting' for the lord and hoping sumday sumhow that my name might appear on Hebrew 13(was it?) that i was among the most faithful servant of our time. >.<

i dont know about u but i feel sick, hurt, tired from all this mom also nag me to be baptized. zzzz.
for what?i need sum things to be CLEAR before i do any life-changing decisions. becuz right now, brader, seems like the boss is out of town but may occasionally come back.

so...its long comment yeah and im glad u read it.i like ur post jon to be frank.and i oso like philip yancy books. him n u take the bulls by its horns and adress issues that are important and need to be attended immediately.

so, summarizing the contents, i giv 2 opinions why ppl(mayb including me)slowly without realizing wears 'mask':

1)Church System
2)God MIA

haiz, bro, i come from the church ba. i think the hardest thing, the hardest thing for me is to be told to love sumting i grew up taught to learn about it. doesnt make sense huh? well, simply put, if a buddhist became a christian he might be all 'wow' and 'yeah' all over, but if a born, from birth chrsitan, became a chirstian..... =.=

dunno la bro.this world confusing la.but i'll pray 4 you if it helps, if mine works. cuz u know, god listens more to righteous ppl prayer right? yea, there's a verse on it. he hears mine too i know but i bet he hears urs more ^^.

post more on this item k bro....

Tremonti said...

Hey -dota-,

Cool cool comment! I like long comments like this (not just any long comments but yours has substance!). Wow. I kept reading the comment over and over. I never thought people would respond like this.

To tell you the truth, i have struggles in my faith too but now i'm more or less know what i believe in. But even if im like this i still have really bad times.

One thng i learnt is that we got to embrace the human side of our being. By that i mean how we feel sometimes. Church, i mean the church now tell us to shut up, don't ask hard questions, just believe, just be strong, just have faith and all that stuff. They tell us we can't be followers of Jesus if we have 'doubts'.

I resent all that. I think we have to create an enviroment that accepts questions. An enviroment that tells us that when we ask difficult questions we can still be accepted, be loved. A place where we are safe to express our doubts, questionings, frustrations, our ugly side, and the joys, happieness, triumps and all that. I call that an enviroment that is embracing the whole dimention of our humanity.

To me that's what Jesus did. He embraced humanity in all its dimentions, the only thing is he followed God's way. To tell us all, God's way is the hard way, but Jesus followed it anyway.

Praying before he was being caught, Jesus prayed 'If it is possible Father i don’t want to die this way' (my paraphrase). He also sweat really violently, they called it 'ike drops of blood'. Anything strong about feeling like that? And to top it off when he was hanging on the cross Jesus cried out 'Father, why have you forsaken me?'.

This is the most identifying moment that i find me connecting with Jesus. I totally love these passages because they are so true and rew and dirty and gripping and human.

I totally dig the things that you addressed -dota- (whoever you are) and i really really appreciate your comments. I was wondering if it was a waste for me to write these things. Thanks for making me feel good today. I express this feeling as "God spoke to me today or I met God today".

Thank You! God bless you.

mShachi said...

weeeee...never thought i would hear something like this...good to know how people think. i feel u Dota. believe me i do....frustration after frustration comes. :) i have given up..honestly..on the church..not expecting anything much as i dont see the church is not playing its role or doing its job. but dota..never give up on God. :) church may die or be not functioning well and we are brought up in a way to be thinking about god just the way the church taught us. there is this quote i like from some people. a pathetic way to follow jesus. hehehe...sounds bad but that is wat we all should do i find Jesus n living the way he live...and woohooo...and sad but true..our church is far from there. wonder wat a church here in miri is for sometimes.dont give up dota...there are some people out there who feels the same. we have been feeling frustrated for so long and been wondering when are these people goin to see all this? and here come u making us feel normal... :)

-Dota- said...

u managed to make me smile at the end of the letter. i guess yeah, dats y i kept holding onto this faith cause of Jesus story b4 being prosecuted.

couldnt stress how beatiful and ironic it is ^^.i dont really want to add anyting else.there are just sumthings that are meant to be kept to oneself.but yeah,mshachi, hope on the Creator itself b4 all other things.

thanks.really appreaciate u read my thoughts with an open mind.
god bless.

Hopeful Theo

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I'm a student of Theology (currently and will always be one). I'm a student of culture and a student of music as well. I guess you could say life is a never ending journey of learning. Because of that we never stop being students. Just a little something about this blog: Deconstructing The Monkey is all about being a safe space for emerging conversations