Monday, March 31, 2008

Bringing the Word to Life

The word, oh how we adore (well i know sometimes some do find it a bore). Well what i want to say is that the Bible and it's beliefs(although Christians say that they believe them and that the bible is true) is not really believed by Christians. Sure we say i believe that the bible is true because it is God's word and stuff like that, but real belief comes when we actually live out those beliefs.

We say "love your neighbours as you love yourself", true, but how many of us just hate the weird guy or girl in our class, work place, where we live? We just hate them because they are a pain in the buttocks (watch your english! ouch). Or the one about "pray for your enemies" and bless them instead of curse them. The thing about dying to self and taking up our cross?

Sure we believe in them, but from a distance. It's safer. It's easier. We have some kind of "puppy" love relationship with these beliefs (alot of them to mention) and when the going gets tough we say oh "gee, i want to bail out when it is tough and come back when it is safe again".

We all suffer from this act, we believe but not yet mature in it because we don't practice it. Help us Jesus not to be just hearers but doers as well!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008


I feel, so...empty confused angry, frustrated, lost, cant do anything, no power (wish i had), feel like a liar, can i even know a glimmer of truth, i wish i could be truthful to perfection without a mask, i wish i could communicate and people all people young and old would hear without me repeating and just understand, i wish i dont have to be so down by my emotions, so bogged down by them, i wish its just easy to rise above my helpless feeling, self pity, i love it too much i guess. I love to feel sorry for myself cause i feel safe in my own comfort, not other peoples. If other people comfort me, i will always think that there is always a hidden agenda. Its so hard to trust to build it and see if it is working. I'm not good in that, i like to control it i think. I just dont have enough faith to see if trust will grow.

Why am i so bogged down with emotions and feelings, i just think like someone without brains if im in this mood. The thinker that i am i just become so dumb and stupid doing things that i would regret later. I just feel helpless now. I feel shitty. I feel like dump, i feel like the worst kind of smell there is. I stink!

What love then can You offer me. I puke at Your ways and i just am scared to follow them. Yet you say you love me? Look at me? Why would you even care? I'm no good. A double minded puke, not bold when i should be, not disciplined enough when i know, i love laziness, love doing nothing, hate responsibility and here you say i love you to be able to live in you. Dude, look in me and how could you possibly? At points if i really am telling the truth by my actions im just saying i hate you..... Im not worthy of any love. What love can you offer? Im broken and cold, i just want to be loved and feel secure....

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Everything is SPIRITUAL-rOB bELL


Hopeful Theo

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OIL TOWN, SWK, Malaysia
I'm a student of Theology (currently and will always be one). I'm a student of culture and a student of music as well. I guess you could say life is a never ending journey of learning. Because of that we never stop being students. Just a little something about this blog: Deconstructing The Monkey is all about being a safe space for emerging conversations